How To Get Your Confidence Back

July 2, 2019

When life takes a turn (or doesn’t turn at all) it can leave us feeling like we’re running a rat race to nowhere. We begin to question our life plans and if they make sense, and we even begin to question ourselves.

We critique ourselves worse than an enemy could by declaring we’re not good enough, not smart enough and not pretty enough. But this couldn’t be further from the truth. So how do we nix self doubt and boost our self confidence?

Pay Attention To How You Talk To And About Yourself

Have you ever had a moment where you were rushing to work or an event, were delayed in arrival and suddenly began scrutinizing your organization and how you manage your life? Or you fall on a hard week financially, and begin to feel bad about every purchase you’ve ever made and what it means about you? That’s how negativity works. Sure, you could have worked on managing your time or money better, but why beat yourself up about it? A single negative thought can spiral into a series of other negative thoughts that ultimately end with you feeling bad for or about yourself.

The minute this happens, counteract that negative thought with one of positivity, acceptance and a goal to improve your situation. Acknowledge you could have handled something better, but that you’ll work on its next time. Or sometimes, its simply acknowledging that you – just like everyone else is not perfect.

This can apply to how you talk to yourself about your weight, your career, how you approach significant others and so on.

Stop Hanging With Naysayers

Are you hanging with people who contribute to your self-demise? Jokes can be funny, but sometimes they’re more hurtful than hilarious. First, if a joke or comment a friend or significant other makes truly hurts you then let them know. If it’s not received well and the jokes continue, cut them loose.

Detox from Social Media

I know, you’ve heard this before. But at some point, you REALLY need to do this.

I’ve detoxed to the point where I stopped using my old page altogether and created a new account to solely follow people who bring me peace or inspire me. But when I felt really low, even this would bring me down. I’d critique myself on how disciplined and committed they were to growing their social following compared to me.

And you know why? Because I still was addicted to looking at what other people were doing and staring at a screen. Comparison isn’t just the thief of joy, it’s also the thief of confidence.

Spend Time Alone On Purpose

It’s amazing how you can be forced into solitude when you don’t want to be. Think about it – all the times your friends may have flopped on you mid-plans, or when you were watching TV and its suddenly went out, or even a blackout in your building or neighborhood.

It’s times like these that God calls us to push the pause button and think about how we’re feeling and what we’re thinking. And, when we realize that we may need to lean on him for understanding in our lives and restore confidence in us.

Time alone isn’t just for spiritual growth either. In fact, it can actually be fun! Instead of waiting for someone to invite you on a date or go with you on a new excursion, take yourself out. This is a great way to figure out your personal interest separate from friends and can certainly boost your confidence of independence.

Practice Daily Affirmations

Research tells us that affirmations can improve our self-esteem and are linked to improved education, health and relationship outcomes. Everything you want to be, you already are – you just have to claim it. Get your head in the game to aspire for more, and watch more happen for you.

Understand That You Are Enough

A failed relationship or failed job can leave us questioning our worth. Oh no no no! Assess, accept and acquit that negative charge you’ve placed on yourself as not good enough. Our self-worth is not determined by what someone else thinks of us, but how we think of ourselves. This is a time where daily affirmations focused on self worth can really come in handy.

Get Cute!

Is your confidence dwindling because you don’t physically feel your best? We all know the saying when you look good, you feel good, and if you think back to how you felt the last time you put on your favorite fit or got a new hairdo then you know it’s true! Get cute to the point that you can’t help but to compliment yourself and say “I look good!” If you have trouble accepting compliments, this can also help. There’s nothing wrong with being a little vain if it’s not hurting anyone. Be your OWN biggest fan.


Have you identified what’s causing your drop in confidence? Saying it out loud can be challenging or open the flood gates to deep hurt you’re just not ready to deal with. But even if we’re not at a place to discuss how we’re feeling, writing our thoughts out can be a powerful way to express ourselves. Plus, journaling is a great way to track your progress and thoughts to help you get proactive about changing your thought pattern. I often find that when I journal my true feelings and get honest with myself about what’s on my mind, I come up with resolutions or next steps to ease my discontentment.

Talk to A Therapist

Sometimes, changing our thought pattern from negative to positive is a task we alone cannot solve. If you find that your lack of confidence begins to interfere with your work, social life and your attitude on a daily basis, it may be time to seek help. A therapist can listen, talk through and help you walk through your issues, and help you get to the root of it.

What’s most important is to know that you’re not alone in your feelings. We all struggle with confidence at some point in our lives, but the major key is recognizing it, accepting it and taking steps towards recovering.

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