Three Valentine’s Days’ ago I spent the night crying and blaring Mary J Blige’s “I’m Not Gon Cry” after being stood up by my boyfriend for the second Valentine’s Day.
Just the week before we talked about it’s importance to me and the lack thereof importance to him. He (who shall go by the name of James) believed Valentine’s Day was a commercial holiday that should not be a defying factor for our love for one another. According to James, he “showed me” he loved me everyday when we communicated, and on those special weekends we went out on dates.
I disagreed. The previous Valentine’s Day weekend was supposed to be our first official date. We dated long distance, and Valentine’s Day was going to be the special weekend he came to visit. He came to New York, but we never met. After several non responses that night, it became clear that we were not going to see each other.
I vowed not to speak to him again, but there I was, a second Valentine’s Day in a row upset.
The second go-round, James had an important, “life-changing” networking mixer to attend on Valentine’s Day night which would simply take up much of the night – but James said if it ended early we’d still have time to go out.
8pm came. 9pm came. 10pm came. Nothing from James. I went to sleep in a fury. How could he stand me up AGAIN? The next morning he sent a half-apology “I’m sorry, my phone died” text.
James and I stayed together for another four months (I know).
Now, three Valentine’s Day later and smarter, I can attest to why Valentine’s Day is a big deal and should be taking as such.
It’s A Testament to Your Relationship Level
By definition Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love and affection. A celebration! It is a milestone in a relationship, and despite it being a commercial holiday, like any holiday it should be one to remember. If you and your beau are serious about each other, then Valentine’s Day is simply acknowledging that love exists. Who would be opposed to this, unless they were unsure it existed? Trust, this is a sure way to test out the seriousness level of your relationship.
If It’s Important To One, It Is To Another
Part of being in a relationship is going the extra mile and partaking in things that may not be important to us, but mean something to our partner. If Valentine’s Day is important to you, then your significant other should make the effort to show up for you. Simple.
There May Be Someone Else
If you’re getting the run around about spending Valentine’s Day but your boo is pushing for the day after or before, this is definitely something to take note of. Sure, we’ve all had to work late unexpectedly a few times, but it is this the norm for your sweetie?
You Can Uncover Other Underlying Issues of Your Relationship
There were so many signs I could have picked up on from James. At one point in us talking about Valentine’s Day, he mentioned that his mother had asked him if he wanted to go out of town, THAT weekend of Valentine’s Day. He even proposed that three of us spend the weekend together. Strange much? He had already hinted that his mother relied on him for emotional support, but this was a lot.
This was indeed one of the many underlying issues of our relationship. I know, the relationship between mother and son is one unlike any other, but would there be any room for me? In my naïve mind, I chalked it to be similar to a dad’s overprotectiveness of his daughter, but Valentine’s Day definitely opened my eyes to the severity of it.
It’s Primetime for PDA
This is a chance to break out your fancy fits and goo over each others looks all night. And if you’re new in butterflies, you’ll know it’s real when your boo post a picture or story of you on their social media.
It’s not about how much money was spent on the day, but the effort to make your significant other feel special.